Sunday, February 24, 2008

The nominees

Featured in this story: BenChadColinDannyDavidKevLeoParkerSimonTristan and the twins (click for pictures)

A few days ago Danny had called and suggested an Oscar party at our studio. We had invited all of our models and asked them to bring their friends as well.

So our studio was packed. We were 13 guys, including my cameraman Chad and me.

The blond twins Michael and Will had brought their friend Parker, a young indie looking guy with flaming red hair. Leo, our skater boy, had invited his buddy Tristan, a fellow skater that I had met during the casting of Jesid, our new boy, who had come as well. Then there was the Ballbusting Olympics Committee president Kev and vice presidents and dorm buddies Colin and Ben. Simon, the geeky but decidedly kinky bespectacled cutie had come on his own.

Danny, our cute struggling actor, was alone, too, although I had suggested that he bring his brother David, a cocky, self-centered dancer whose idea of fun was humiliating his brother.

Chad and I had bought some beverages and snacks and I had made sure to prepare everything for our ballbusting party game.

“I have made slips of paper with the name of every film that is nominated for an Oscar tonight”, I explained. “There are 24 categories and 58 films. We are 13 people so everyone gets 4 films and our 6 models will get 5 films . And the winner gets a nutshot by one of the losing nominees.”

The guys cheered and clapped.

“Okay”, I started, “let’s---“

I was interrupted by a voice behind me: “Sorry I’m late.”

I turned around and grinned. “That’s David, everyone. He’s Danny’s brother.”

“Hi everyone”, David said.

I heard Danny moan.

“Hello, dear brother”, David grinned. “Happy to see me?”


“Hi, David”, Danny replied. He looked miserable. “I thought you were busy?”

“Well, Alex invited me and I thought it would be nice…” David said.

“Okay, boys, let’s start the drawing. We are 14 people now, so everyone gets 4 films with 2 films remaining. Any volunteers?” I asked.

The boys were silent.

I looked over to David who was talking to Chad. Apparently Chad explained the rules to him.

David grinned and said: “Danny, wouldn’t you like to get the remaining two films? You’re a film insider, after all…”

Danny groaned.

“That’s settled, then, Danny will take six films, everybody else takes four”, David announced.

The guys chuckled and looked at Danny.

“Come on, Danny”, Will grinned.

Danny frowned at his brother. “Okay.”

The guys cheered and we started the drawing

These are the results:

List of all movies following. After that the story goes on...
La Corona
Alex
Mongol
Alex
Once
Alex
The Savages
Alex
August Rush
Ben
In the Valley of Elah
Ben
Katyn
Ben
Moya lyubov
Ben
Madame Tutli-Putli
Chad
12
Chad
Eastern Promises
Chad
Il Supplente
Chad
Across the Universe
Colin
Freeheld
Colin
Lars and the Real Girl
Colin
Le Mozart des pickpockets
Colin
Away from Her
Danny
Enchanted
Danny
Into the Wild
Danny
No Country for Old Men
Danny
Ratatouille
Danny
Norbit
Danny
Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience
David
Persepolis
David
Sicko
David
There Will Be Blood
David
Atonement
Jesid
Charlie Wilson's War
Jesid
I Met the Walrus
Jesid
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Jesid
La vie en rose
Kev
Salim Baba
Kev
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Kev
Taxi to the Dark Side
Kev
Beaufort
Leo
Peter & the Wolf
Leo
The Tonto Woman
Leo
Juno
Leo
3:10 to Yuma
Michael
Die Fälscher
Michael
I'm Not There
Michael
Michael Clayton
Michael
No End in Sight
Parker
The Golden Compass
Parker
Tanghi argentini
Parker
Transformers
Parker
Gone Baby Gone
Simon
Sari's Mother
Simon
Surf's Up
Simon
The Kite Runner
Simon
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Tristan
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Tristan
The Bourne Ultimatum
Tristan
War Dance
Tristan
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Will
American Gangster
Will
Même les pigeons vont au paradis
Will
Om natten
Will
"So what does that mean?" Colin asked when we had finished. "You know, I haven't even heard about most of these movies... 'Freeheld'? 'Mozart... something'? I mean - what?!"

"It means that your nuts are pretty safe", Danny groaned. "And I have 'No country for old men'. I'm the frontrunner..."

David grinned. "You should be happy, Danny. For once your name is attached to a really good movie and not some sleazy schlock..."

Will walked over to Danny and patted his back. "You got 'No country'. But you also got 'Norbit'. Do you really think that one is gonna get an Oscar?"

David laughed. "Well, maybe not an Oscar. But it won three Razzies yesterday. Do they count, too?" he asked innocently.

"What?" Danny looked at his brother.

"Well, your movie won. So maybe we should have a little warm up..." David grinned.

Danny shook his head. "No way!"

David looked at the rest of the guys. "What do you think? Should we start by congratulating Danny for 'Norbit''s win at the Razzies?"

Kev, Colin and Ben, the cocky jockboys, started to clap and cheer. The others grinned and watched the sibling dynamic unfold.

Danny shook his head wildly. "No way!" he repeated.

David looked at the jockboy trio. Kev, Colin and Ben cheered louder.

"Go for it, Dave!" Kev shouted.

"Spread 'em, Danny!" Colin chimed in.

"Fuck!" Danny mumbled.

"Go on, brother, spread your legs", David grinned.

Danny looked at me with a sad expression in his eyes. I shrugged. David sighed and grabbed his crotch. He adjusted the big package that was hiding inside his tight jeans. The outline of his dick and the two juicy balls below were clearly visible through the denim.

Danny looked at his brother and sighed. "Go for it."

"Yay!" Kev shouted. Colin and Ben cheered and the rest of the boys joined in.

David turned to his audience and asked: "From the front or from behind?"

"Behind!" Will shouted.

David walked behind Danny who braced himself for the impact.

"This is for 'Worst Actor'", David grinned and kicked Danny's nuts hard. His shoe connected with Danny's precious nuggets, smashing them with the instep and crushing them with a dull thud.

Danny's scream was drowned by the guy's cheering and clapping. He grabbed his injured balls and doubled over.

David chuckled. "I love this game!"

Danny coughed and moaned. "Fuck, you got them good."

His brother grinned. "I know..."

"Okay", I said. "Let's concentrate on the Oscars now..."

"But 'Norbit' has won more Razzies than just 'Worst Actor', it won 'Worst Supporting Actor' and 'Worst Supporting Actress', too", Danny protested.

"Well, save the kicks for some other time", I suggested. "It's Oscar night and the show is about to begin..."

"Okay." David grinned at his brother. "Well, I'm rooting for the Coen brothers..."

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